You Did!  No, You!
by The Werewolf Mage
Summary: Albus Dumbledore, what have you done?  In order to find out why James and Snape hate each other, he gets the two of them together.  What happens?  They bicker like children, naturally!  Rated to be safe.


Title: You Did! No, You!

Summary: Albus Dumbledore, what have you done? In order to find out why James and Snape hate each other, he gets the two of them together. What happens? They bicker like children, naturally!

Note: It's not meant to be serious. It's meant to be silly and completely and utterly childish.

Albus Dumbledore was tempted to heave a sigh. He stared at the two Seventh Year boys. Dueling in the corridor, which was filled with First Years! That was a low for them, especially since it had not been a week since term had started!

"What were you two thinking?" Dumbledore asked.

"I was thinking Snape started it," James said, crossing his arms over his chest, "and I was defending myself."

Dumbledore stared at James, then looked to Snape, who was sulking. Each boy looked as though a trip to the Hospital Wing would be in order, but that would have to wait.

Where were Professors McGonagall and Slughorn? He knew the two must have heard what their students had done but neither had made it to his office yet.

"Did either of you happen to realize that there were First Years in the hall with you?"

"Not really." James muttered.

Snape still remained silent.

At least James was honest. But that little bit of honesty was not enough for Dumbledore.

"Why can't the two of you get along?" Dumbledore asked. "I have had to see the two of you for countless reasons over the years, and this year doesn't seem to be different, does it?"

"Nope." James said brightly. "Snape here and I just cannot get along. Polar opposites and whatnot. Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

Dumbledore was not too sure of what to expect, but he inclined his head, ready to listen to James nonetheless.

"Why do you let little slimeballs like this in? He's nothing but an annoyance, with his random hexing spells, constant harassment of the Muggleborns, and besides that, he's up to his greasy, never-been-washed-once bangs in the Dark Arts. How's that going to look on his resume?"

Dumbledore was a bit surprised by this. But he felt the need to answer. "As you are aware, James, I will allow anyone to come to Hogwarts as long as they have the magical abilities and the desire to learn."

"Yes, but -- "

"Potter here," Snape began, "only has the desire to look good on the Quidditch Pitch and hex innocents."

"I'm not the one who sent Abby Grense to the Hospital wing!" James said in defense. "That was Sirius." he added in a low tone.

"Oh, yes, I forgot. It's hard to tell who the ring leader of your little group is. It most certain is not Pettigrew. Why do you keep him around, anyway? To boost your ego?"

"Hey, he's got three more friends at this school than you do. And for Peter, that's saying a lot!"

Dumbledore watched the two Seventh Years exchange harsh words and insults. And needless to say, he was a bit surprised by all of it. He did know that Snape and James seemed to hate each other from the first day the two of them stepped foot into Hogwarts...

But this was a bit shameful, a bit child-like!

Before he had time to realize what was happening, Snape drew his wand, and James drew his at the same moment. There were two flashes of light and James wound up nursing a broken nose along with his other minor injuries from the duel in the hall. Snape was instantly swamped by what looked like bats, each attacking his face, and one even managed to become tangled in his hair.

There was a bang and a larger blast of light. The two boys stopped and turned to Dumbledore, who looked livid.

"To the Hospital Wing," he said in a voice of calm anger, "and detention will be arranged with your Head of House."

The two were silent until they reached the corridor, sure that Dumbledore was out of earshot. "Look what you've gotten us into, Snivvy." James said, glaring at Snape.

"I did?" Snape demanded. "You're the one that started things, Potter. You always do."

"I started nothing. You started it a long time ago. And you continued it when you insulted and hexed my mates, and Evans."

"Evans wouldn't want you if you were the last boy on earth." Snape snapped.

"Like she would want you? A greasy little git who doesn't care for Charms or anything like that if the Dark Arts are not included?"

Snape stopped and drew his wand again but James was quicker. It took two seconds to shove Snape, who went crashing into the girls' loo that they were conveniently passing. James snickered to himself as the sound of squealing girls and Snape's muttered swears reached his ears.

He calmly and quietly, and quickly, headed to the Hospital Wing. Detention was definitely worth it.


End file.
